You can't special order awesome
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
