Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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