I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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