I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
