yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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