Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
