I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
