He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
