sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
