Non-Jews are for practice
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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