Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
