and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
