If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
