i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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