i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
