Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
