Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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