He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
