Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(940): View more from Texas

and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

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(425): View more from Washington

Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap

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(607): View more from New York

Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.

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(614): View more from Ohio

ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund

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(816): View more from Missouri

Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.

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(406): View more from Montana

Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.

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