Buhtt sex?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
