just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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