i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
