True but thats because hes a fetus.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
