mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
