Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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