i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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