i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
