I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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