talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
