woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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