Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
