What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
