and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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