I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
