I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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