i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
