I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize