I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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