Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
