I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
