Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
