So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
