ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
