I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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