I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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