doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
