Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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