Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
