Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
