Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we made out on top of his cat.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
