I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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