Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
