im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
