she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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