I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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