It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
