Tell her she can't have a vagina
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The cops high fived after they tackled you
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
