it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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