How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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