weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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