You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
