So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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