There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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