I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
