This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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