I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
