Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
