this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Damn victory sex feels great
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
