i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
