I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
