Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This is my gift to your gina
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
