my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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