White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He better not be in your backpack
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
