Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want her autograph on my taint
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize