Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
